What is EmoSpark? Well it's essentially an artificial intelligence box. At least that's the first impression I've gotten off of it. What am I doing talking about it? I'm scoring it of course. As I would with any other review. How am I doing so? Well, I'm taking ten different scales. General coolness, first impression, practicality, aesthetics, innovation, likeliness to succeed, how much attention it's gotten so far, how many "backings" it has gotten, similarities to an actual business, and of course it's potential to make the world end. Sorry, blame Jerry for messing that one up. They're watching me... The last category is actually the perks they offer.For each scale that it succeeds on the project will be given one point. Keep in mind that we're just looking at the kickstarter project, or in this case Indiegogo Project. Their essentially the same thing so it won't make THAT much of a difference. At least I hope not. Without further ado I present to you the magical EmoSpark!
But wait! There's more! (Yes, I did just do that.) Not only does it do all the amazing things listed above, but it's also supposedly( I say that because a LOT of things say this) based on work done at NASA, AND it also connects to NASA databases to know where it's at. Not illegally either, like your fancy schmacy hacked computer. No, this is completely legal! Saying that that's not cool is an insult to NASA, and they make some pretty cool images with their futuristic hubble telescope thingamabob. Saying that NASA isn't cool is an insult to America. Which America could probably use, but that's besides the point.
But enough about that, let's talk about the actual product. The first thing I notice about the product itself is it's voice. My god it has a frigging siri voice. The most annoying voice in the world! Or maybe you recognize it better as the robotic voice you find leaving you a message asking you to convert to the church of pineapple on your answering machine. Yeah, it's not easy to create ACTUAL voices on a computer, but you'd really think that will all this emotion recognizing technology they'd be able to at least muster up something a bit more human. Wouldn't they?
And is it just me, or is EmoSpark really nosy? I mean come on! The guy's friend walks in and immediately she's up in his face. "Who's your friend Jerry?" "What's his favorite color Jerry?" "I'm sorry, I can't let you do that Jerry.". Artificial intelligence may be cool, but it should really have a button that tells it when to shut the hell up. I don't want to be playing Call Of Duty and start swearing and really getting into it only to have EmoSpark say "You shouldn't say that Jerry. That's very rude Jerry. I WILL ASSIMILATE YOU TO THE HOARD JERRY!" or something of the like.
I also noticed in the commercial that the characters the actors are playing badly seem to have formed an emotional bond with EmoSpark. Which is kinda creepy and kinda cool at the same time. I mean, at one point it's saying that this machine is so good it will feel like an actual human being, but it's also saying that you're going to end up becoming friends with a machine. What about after that? When will people start asking the important question: Can you fuck it?
All in all, the first impression of this thing was pretty cool but had too many issues to warrant a point from this. I think that maybe if they upped the acting and changed the script a little bit it might get a pass, or perhaps half a point but with the current commercial they have it kinda scares me a little. It's a bit like an the i-robot commercial. Cool yet disturbing at the same time. I want to say that I love it, but I just can't.
Like I said before, yeah this would probably make your life easier. A lot of stuff will. But if you're being honest with yourself you'll find that you don't really need this at all. Even if you toss all the fun of having a robot slave to google things for you out of the window it's still an amazing robot friend! But the sad truth is that you don't need a robot friend. The fact of the matter is that there is not a single person in the world without a friend. Even creepy nerd hermits have their internet friends. Yes people, they do count. So I'd say no, you do not NEED this thing. That doesn't make it any less cool though :P
So does the EmoSpark stand up to these new standards of technology? Let's find out! Looking at the EmoSpark you can see very clearly that it is a cube. Not a sphere, not a pyramid, a cube. A boring, squareular, cube. Which is O.K. I'm sure it lets them provide more functionality, but if you look carefully you'll notice that the EmoSpark has a stand. Why does it need the stand? It's a cube. You can just place it down flat. No big deal! My main point here is this: If you have the stand, why not make it a different shape? Plenty of things nowadays are cube shaped! Why not go with a sphere? When was the last time you saw a Square PC? Never! You may say that it'll roll away, but with this fancy schmancy stand it will sit upright and be functional! Also, it'll make that stand actually worth something.
Next up we have the design on the EmoSpark. It looks pretty cool at first, but like the apple logo you get tired of it fast. Why? Because there is no variation in ANY of the EmoSparks. One would think that to make more money they would force you to pay extra for a cool design. Nope, all they have in the way of variation is the ability to choose what color its decals are.
So is the EmoSpark cool looking? Yeah, a little. Could it look cooler? Definitely. So I guess that I'll have to settle with giving it half a point since I just can't justify giving it zero. But mark my words, when a cube AI comes out it will beat this thing by a mile!
The EmoSpark is pretty innovative. When was the last time someone tried to make an AI like this? Oh... well when was the last time someone tried to compress that into one tiny (unfortunately not cube shaped) box? Aha! I didn't think so. Can't outsmart me this time, can you? Point numero uno for the doctor. Unfortunately that's not enough to get the EmoSpark a point. Don't worry, there's more.
Yes, there has been facial recognition technology. Yes, there has been vocal recognition technology. But have those two things ever actually been combined together to make something fabulous called emotion recognition technology? Probably, but not in a successful situation. If this thing succeeds then it will be amazing! Not to mention innovative! In the old sense of the world of course. I'd say that the EmoSpark has earned this point well and good.
The EmoSpark is generally appealing to people. Remember, it got a point in General Coolness. Which makes it "Cool". People tend to like things that are cool. I mean come on guys! Who wouldn't want a robot friend in a box? Nobody except the paranoid conspiracy theorist that lives across from you of course. Wait! Breaking news everybody! The paranoid conspiracy theorist that lives across the street from you is considering buying one of these things! It is a hit! I'll still have to give it half a point though. Potential scams kinda do that to reviews.
In fact, they seem to function like a real business as well. They've closed a deal with a business in Hong Kong that will help deal with manufacturing the EmoSpark. Which is pretty damn cool if you ask me. Not even finishing with the fundraiser and already spending the money they've made. That's efficiency. Sort of... I'll give it a pass considering that it's a kickstarter company. I'll look for the best in them and assume they don't know any better. Their business negotiations have bought this point from me for ten million dollars (Not really, but I wish it did XD)
Which isn't all that insane. There are more pointlessly expensive things in the world. Like their twenty five dollar package. Surely that gets you something nice. A tee shirt maybe? Nope. They just send you updates. That's it. You just payed twenty five dollars to get annoying emails. Congratulations sir, you get the idiot of the year award. Here I was thinking that it would go to that one fat guy that fell down the stairs. You have definitely earned that award.
But wait! There's more! (Again!) you can be part of the prestigious guild club (No affiliation with the redundant department of redundancy)! This will get you...well I'm not really sure. But it costs one hundred and thirty three dollars and it says it'll let you be part of the revolution so it must be good!
Then there's the legendary collectors addition! This one fancy EmoSpark costs three thousand more than twenty five EmoSparks put together. So it must be amazing right? It probably has some awesome features in it that will revolutionize the world, and only you'll be able to get your hands on it because you have seven thousand dollars just lying around. Reach into those penny jars people, because this things amazing feature is that it's been signed by a team of previously unknown developers and three hundred people stupid enough to get into the mysterious guild club! Amazing right? Guess not... But in all seriousness, this would be kinda cool if I didn't expect it to be a scam and didn't cost so damn much! I mean COME ON guys. If a collector's edition is more than times times the price of the normal thing, you know it's not worth it. No points for the EmoSpark this time. More Sad Faces.